I’m your hoochie coochie man

After my first wife left me – for obvious reasons to anyone who knows me well – I was determined that I’d sooner turn gay, than make the same mistake twice…
I mean… well, just admit it, guys; we are so much easier to work with, so much more easygoing, and so much less a pain in the a… well, I don’t know about that, actually! I must fess up, I’ve got no hard evidence for the latter claim!
What budged me from my resolve however, was the fact that all the available men were so terribly… je ne sais quoi!… uhh, gay, perhaps?

Yes, of course I am kidding…
Unfortunately, the decision has been taken for me, long time ago, when I was still being a very happy, very young frog-like creature paddling and splashing away in the gene-pool. Still and all, I was sensing a queer (well, there you go!), yet inescapable attraction towards yonder light at the end of the tunnel… that quite unexpectedly was turned off…
And, w.t.f. was that horrific smell all of a sudden!? I was pretty certain, there was something fishy going on there, at the end of the li… uh, pipeline.
I tried swimming back, but… to no avail; I was going against the tide. And, when I heard a low grumbling, yet strangely familiar voice humming “I’m your hoochie coochie man, honey; I’m your cushy pussy man, baby!”, it suddenly hit me: I’m f…..!
I then and there decided to go with the flow, see what would happen, and take it from there…

To cut a long story short, I am a chip off the ol’ block, I’m afraid; I’m a… Catman!